happy fathers day.

happy fathers day to all the dads and soon to be dads!
this marks hank's first official (lillian was in the belly last year).
hank, you & lilly are already so close. seeing you two together warms my heart. you are an inspirational father, husband and best friend. lillian is SO lucky to have you, as am i.

we love you!

life is good on a schedule.

i have to say, having lillian on a schedule is such a blessing.  like any schedule, sometimes i wish we could bend it a bit, but for the most part it makes our days run so much smoother. everyone was right when they said 4 months is a turning point- she was right on target and as we approach 5 months this weekend (ah!) she has pretty much perfected it....

until teething comes along that is!

with lillian on a schedule i am feeling more free to do things for me...one of which is yoga!

so excited because this weekend sanctuary for yoga is opening their second location (whoohoo!) in the gulch and i am going to be teaching! if your in the nashville area, please do come out, free yoga all day saturday and sunday. yes, i said free! so now you have no excuse! :) i will be there saturday from 1:30-2:30, so grab a mat and come enjoy.

my new schedule is as follows! yeah for more yoga :)

tuesdays: sanctuary @ green hills 7pm candlelight yoga

thursdays: sanctuary @ the gulch 7:15 pm candlelight yoga

sundays: yoga country @ 3pm prenatal yoga (*last class june 26th*)

sundays: kali yuga yoga @ 11:30am prenatal yoga (*staring july 10th*)

phew! so many changes.  i am so excited though, a bit nervous but excited. i have so much love to share through my yoga practice and am excited to give it to those ready to receive. 

so much to say, so little time.

ok, actually i have a lot of time, since my little nugget is asleep.  but, i am sure you don't all want to be walked through my vacation (mostly since i know it will make you super jealous) and because i have a tendency to be waaaayyy to specific in my descriptions, so, i will spare you.

::sigh::

for those of you who have been, well frankly, living under rock, i took a trip to the cayman islands with my sisters and my mom.  ah-mazing.

life away from lillian & hank was hard, but having the time to be with the most amazing women i know in this whole wide world, was beyond worth it. 

so, i want to take the time to introduce you to them...

{my mom, anne.}

how do you even put into words what your mom means to you? you can't.  they just don't exist.  so, instead of trying and failing miserably i am just going to tell you want i can always count on her for. she is selfless, smart, stunningly beautiful, stubborn (theme with the "s" adjectives? not on purpose...), peaceful, faithful, honest, independently strong, an amazing listener, a talented writer, witty, full of emotion (in the best way) and the best role model of a mother i could ask for. my mom is hands down the reason i always wanted to be a mom, she made the job look cool, fun and adventurous.  so, not only did she give me the gift of life, twice, but has instilled in me such a strong maternal instinct that i am now privileged to be a mom myself. lillian has such a rockin' granne.

{meghan.}

meghan is (as she said in her speech at my wedding) my oldest, older, um, old sister. haha. you can always count on meghan for an amazing story, usually quite exaggerated but always worth it as you will find yourself smiling & laughing consistently while around her. meghan is 7 years older than me and thus growing up was the coolest person on the planet. i always thought (and still do) that she was beyond beautiful. she let me raid her closet (even though nothing fit she would always let me try), she taught me how to survive high school, (which involved teaching me how to bong a beer successfully), and was always on the other end of the phone as i cried or sought guidance on boy problems. she and i are often told we look alike and in those moments my heart swells.  she is an amazing mother to a 18 month old named jack, and married to an unbelievable guy named tom. i continue to look up to her as a wife and mother and know i always can.

{emily.}

emily is the most selfless person i have ever met. granted i don't know mother teresa personally, but emily is up there. she is an inspiration to everyone around her, even though she doesn't always know it.  as a teacher, i got to watch as she changed second graders lives for the better.  as a kid i got to watch her become an extraordinarily successful swimmer, qualifying for olympic trials her senior year in high school and going on to swim at the university of michigan (go blue!) on a scholarship.  her determination made me the swimmer i became, as i couldn't help but want a little piece of what she accomplished.  and, to boot, she did all of this with grace and stunning beauty.  growing up i loved to brag about emily, remind everyone that we shared the same last name and that i got to eat dinner with her nightly :) 

emily is fun, and we share a quirkiness that allowed for us to have "eyelash contests" as we grew up sharing a room. i have the honor to call her my sister, now and forever.

 so now you know why my trip was so amazing.

and when i got back, my daughter was waiting for me with this...

if your still reading...

yup. no photos of the vacation. those to follow i promise!

over and out.

almost forgot. this is amazing.

random & stuff.

 

we have had lots of successful tummy time, followed by rolling over :)

she makes me laugh. and laughing is truly the best medicine.

. . .

on a separate note, i leave tomorrow for a 5 day vacation with my sisters and mom.  we are headed to sun, warm sand and crystal clear blues waters.  dreamy, right? well, see that little nugget up there? she is super dreamy too, and i am struggling right now.  my bags are packed and in them there are no baby clothes, no diapers and no massive pack n' play contraptions.  i have one small carry on & my breast pump (which i desperately wish i could leave behind, but it seems to follow me everywhere i go...). a part of me wants to sneak her on the plane with me, but i know i need to let go. everyone keeps saying, "it will be good for you and for her". i trust this. i have to trust this. it is the only thing that is allowing me to go, to thrust myself into this vacation without feeling so selfish. 

i sat in the glider last night sobbing as her little, soft, beautiful fingers grabbed onto my chest as she nursed and dozed off. she needs me i said to myself. i can't go. i just can't.

but what i know, deep in my heart is that i need her. my definition, my purpose in life has made such a huge shift in four short months.  molly four months ago needed molly. i was independent, mostly responsible for my happiness alone.  don't get me wrong, i am deep in a passionate and loving marriage, but at the end of the day, hank needs to be able to make himself happy and i the same.  our happiness combined makes our marriage flourish.

but then came lillian.

and things shifted, drastically.

my happiness now relies fully on her happiness.  so, if i think for a second she isn't happy, how could i be? i can't. i just can't.

so, realizing this trip was just around the corner (of which i booked while preggo), i began to think, she isn't going to happy if i am not here, which is going to make me miserable.

but she is going to be fine. heck, she is going to be smothered in love. from the most loving father a little girl could ask for, and her great aunt mary anne, who we are so lucky to have flying in just to watch her.

she is going to be happy. so happy.

now, i just need to release my fear and rest assured. 

she is happy and loved. 

so, with a bit of a knot in my heart, i will board that plane tomorrow. but that knot represents the deepest love. a love that i am now privileged to know.

em, megs & mom: lets party!

happy birthday to me!

 thanks to great friends,

and my amazing family,

this birthday was the shiznit. yup, i said shiznit. because, well, i hope lillian reads this someday (weird to think about though) so, i shouldn't swear. you know, to set a good example.

bedtime stories.

this has to be my new favorite time. hank gets homes, we bath our little water bug and then hank sits in the rocker, lillian in his lap and reads her a bedtime story. it melts my heart every time.

we got gifted a new book recently, called On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman.

tonight we sat all together and read the book to lillian, dogs included. it is in these small and sweet moments that i am so thankful.