{my hubs, myself and lillian}
my name is molly and i am the proud mother of lillian, esteemed wife to hank and provider to two wild and crazy canines- georgia and annie. we reside in nashville, the home of country music and so much more. we landed here two years ago when my husband began his mba and me a new business.
backtrack 10 years.
i grew up in a well to do area, with an amazing family and great friends. life was picture perfect on the outside but around age 12 i started to feel distance. i began to realize i didn't feel right, something wasn't fitting. and i thought it was me. a competitive swimmer all my life, sport was my identity and my escape. i loved the challenge, the sweat, the people and the water. so, i buried myself in swimming, hoping to avoid the places i didn't feel comfortable in.
years went by, i began some therapy as my parents noticed a difference in me. as my mother says, one day i went into my room in color and the next day i came out black and white. no one including myself could pinpoint the cause. and this made me angry.
i fought my feelings, even though i was in therapy to heal them. i pushed through. i buried more.
6 years of struggle with deep depression and i finally hit rock bottom. i entered college and in my world, diaster struck- i was injured and could swim no more. in a moments notice my place of comfort was pulled from under my feet.
so
i
began
to
fall.
hard.
and then even harder.
when i finally hit bottom (well, really for the second time) i looked around and realized i had a choice. i could either continue down the path i was on, which i knew would lead to a short remainder of life. or i could choose and fight hard for something different. for a light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel. i was (and still am) blessed with an unbelievable family. they wanted to fight with me and for me. i was also blessed with amazing doctors and therapists who believed i could find that light. so, just as quickly as the rug was pulled out from under me, a new one began to appear. i chose newness. i chose life and happiness and the journey there.
after almost 8 years on medication i will never forget the day i weaned off. this is where my husband comes in. i had just met hank, we began to see more and more of each other and at the time i was so confused as to why he wanted to wait around for me (see, i was stubborn and naive and thankfully he was so patient.) he gave me unconditional love. he knew my story, he knew my path and my struggles and all the pieces that come along with it but he hung around. he was persistent actually! and i fell in love. i let go and fell in love. hard and fast and it felt so amazing. i always had the unconditional love and support of my family but to be instantly loved and nurtured by a near stranger so quickly was exactly the last piece of my puzzle. he fit and it felt so right.
i will never be fully free. depression and the internal struggle i faced will always be a part of me. but, i chose to be thankful for it. i can look back now and smile with pride that i overcame. not everyone is so lucky. i was given a second chance, a gift from God to live and grow.
i am sharing this openly here because i know there are so many people out their with similar stories. i feel it is part of my second chance to speak openly and honestly about depression. i am not ashamed, nor am i defined by it. it has given me so much and now i want to give to others the same hope.
depression has shaped who i am but it is not who i am. i am a mother, a friend, a wife, a yoga teacher, a daughter, a sister, an animal loving vegetarian who dabbles in veganism, a blogger, a outdoor lover and a lover of life. each day is such a gift, and i embrace the choices i have every day to be happy and full and loving. through faith, my family and friends i know i can do anything.
