a little help, please?

it goes without saying there have been a lot of changes around these parts and well, i have been doing some thinking.

does this blog make sense anymore?

i have loved every post, sharing my pregnancy and almost the whole first year of lillian's life, but i am feeling a bit like this whole blog thing has turned into a public photo album. which, frankly, is kind of starting to freak me out.

so, take the pictures off?

well, then what am i left with?

every once and awhile i have something to say, something worth value, i believe in that. but, not sure this is the media format in which i really wish to express it and remember it.

so, feedback? thoughts?

anyone?

much appreciated. always.

so much, so fast.

meeting aunt lauren for the first time, snuggling with grandma & learning football in the park.

swinging with lauren, georgia & annie in the park.

 testing out the bean bag chair at our new pediatrician, riding a horse at the park, swinging (notice a theme?) & enjoying the view on a hike.

happy hikers & our beautiful discoveries.

 happiness all around.

 learning how to stand, all on my own! walking, here i come!

bike rides = bliss. 

and doesn't this picture just make your day?

it does mine :)

hope everyone is having a great week like we are! nothing like family and friends to remind you of the love in the world and what really does matter.

aquarium adventure.

not sure who had more fun, me, caroline or lillian. thanks for the visit caroline! 

we love and adore you :)

good thing to know i have whale sharks to bribe you with :)

thoughts.

dear lilly,

today i watched you smile and grow. i watched you develop and learn right in front of my eyes. 

we are all works in progress, lilly, every single one of us. no matter what year you were born, we are all growing & progressing. some small, some big. you my dear, you are growing so big.

your drive to progress is obvious each and every day. you explore with the passion of a true adventure seeker. you learn and watch with your eyes w i d e open. and the best part? you are always moving forward. moving forward both literally as you crawl all over the floor, and objectively as you continue to seek new experiences. but what really amazes me is how you cherish the present. you don't muddy the waters. you don't apply the past to your future, you revel in the present and press on. 

i too am a work in progress my love. i falter, i stumble and i grow alongside you. 

i don't begin to think i am alone in this journey. as i said before, we are all works in progress. all seeking a new perspective, or a new skill or a new joy. the path to these progressions looks different for us all as a natural result of our desires originating from individual driving forces.

and then there are times where we sit in stillness. along the windy path of life we find ourselves stuck and still.  stillness is that place where we chose to stop living in the present. where we stop applying the knowledge gained from the past and where we lose desire to seek the future. 

we slouch into a "comfortable" place where we don't have to try to be anything. we don't have to take accountability for what is since it isn't changing. no progress allows for us to retreat to our natural tendencies- whether good or bad.

see, as my good friend jane says, working on yourself is like opening new space for fresh light to enter your body. we all seek this. however, sometimes what we fail to realize is that by making this space we open ourselves to vulnerability.

the result sometimes? stillness. fear or frustration or shock enters the body and we sit still. rather than stepping into the light we shy away and revert to old tendencies.

this is no way to live lilly, as you know and show me everyday. because in stillness we don't progress. in stillness we chose to allow our minds to retreat, for our bodies to curl up and for our growth to seize. living in comfort and stillness might be safe lilly, but it isn't life.

life is the present. it is recognizing each and every beautiful moment while growing. it is allowing the actions and results of the past to be what they are and to move forward.  it is f*cking up big time and being vulnerable. it is being scared and frustrated but digging in deep to release and find the light.

it is allowing what is possible to not be the end. it is continually calling yourself out on your own shit. oh, and then when you get married, it is allowing them to call you out too.

all of this lilly, you live right now in the purest form. you are my reminder to strive for the same, no matter how comfy stillness might feel.

 i love you. always.

fall is in the air.

this weekend we took lilly to a pumpkin patch.

ok, well it was supposed to be a pumpkin patch.

turns out it was more like a parking lot with pumpkins in it.

good thing she didn't know the difference!

the mornings feel like fall, crisp and cozy. lillian and i have been enjoying some morning walks with the pups, sitting in the hammock and watching how each day the leaves change every so slightly. we chat about the changing colors, we watch how the wind and sun make the leaves dance and glow in the sky. she smiles, furrows her brow and looks at me as if to say, i've got this mom.

amazing.

oh, and this week- we have mastered "mama". having her crawl to me, reach for me and say "mama" makes me realize this is it. this is really what it is all about. and i couldn't be more thankful for those moments she gives me hundreds of times a day.

thank you lilly, you really light up my soul.

on a completely different note, my other dads, who i still love dearly, have gotten busy (who can blame them? multiple kids, home renovations, busy jobs -these guys do it all!). so, i will put a pause on the ode to dads series (if you missed my first one, check it out here). next up, my ode to moms. and lets face it, they will all have their answers to me in a few days of getting them- why? we are amazing multi-taskers us women :)

adventures in vermont.

there really is nothing better than new england in the fall.  growing up there i never fully appreciated the beauty and lightness that comes when the leaves change. watching the trees effortlessly transform into something new and full of life is so refreshing. driving from ct to vt i could almost feel my insides taking a huge sigh of relief and settling in. the stress of the move combined with the lack of yoga in my life have really taken a toll on my body. 

seeing those leaves this weekend, taking huge, deep and full breaths in- it was medicine for my soul.

we soaked up family, naps and laughter. 

and it was oh, so good.