surreal.

rocking my daughter to sleep in the room i grew up in, struggled hard in and healed in has been such a surreal experience.( if you haven't read my story, then you might not know what i am referring to.)

yesterday, as i lulled lillian to sleep i couldn't help but smile.  smile so big that a tear started to run down my cheek.  i am filled with pride, gratitude and love. surrounded by the room that i hid away in, i feel liberated.  i feel free. i feel like myself. i feel fully bloomed, expressed and open.

this is who i always wanted to be and now i am here.

wow.

there are so many that struggle like i did, and continue to do so today.  if any of you are reading this or ever do, keep fighting. as i always call it, "the other side" is there.  and it is oh so beautiful and rich.  it is a new beginning, a second chance and a whole new world, where your eyes are fully open, colors are bright and love is all around- esp. for yourself, the most important person in the world.