thoughts.

dear lilly,

today i watched you smile and grow. i watched you develop and learn right in front of my eyes. 

we are all works in progress, lilly, every single one of us. no matter what year you were born, we are all growing & progressing. some small, some big. you my dear, you are growing so big.

your drive to progress is obvious each and every day. you explore with the passion of a true adventure seeker. you learn and watch with your eyes w i d e open. and the best part? you are always moving forward. moving forward both literally as you crawl all over the floor, and objectively as you continue to seek new experiences. but what really amazes me is how you cherish the present. you don't muddy the waters. you don't apply the past to your future, you revel in the present and press on. 

i too am a work in progress my love. i falter, i stumble and i grow alongside you. 

i don't begin to think i am alone in this journey. as i said before, we are all works in progress. all seeking a new perspective, or a new skill or a new joy. the path to these progressions looks different for us all as a natural result of our desires originating from individual driving forces.

and then there are times where we sit in stillness. along the windy path of life we find ourselves stuck and still.  stillness is that place where we chose to stop living in the present. where we stop applying the knowledge gained from the past and where we lose desire to seek the future. 

we slouch into a "comfortable" place where we don't have to try to be anything. we don't have to take accountability for what is since it isn't changing. no progress allows for us to retreat to our natural tendencies- whether good or bad.

see, as my good friend jane says, working on yourself is like opening new space for fresh light to enter your body. we all seek this. however, sometimes what we fail to realize is that by making this space we open ourselves to vulnerability.

the result sometimes? stillness. fear or frustration or shock enters the body and we sit still. rather than stepping into the light we shy away and revert to old tendencies.

this is no way to live lilly, as you know and show me everyday. because in stillness we don't progress. in stillness we chose to allow our minds to retreat, for our bodies to curl up and for our growth to seize. living in comfort and stillness might be safe lilly, but it isn't life.

life is the present. it is recognizing each and every beautiful moment while growing. it is allowing the actions and results of the past to be what they are and to move forward.  it is f*cking up big time and being vulnerable. it is being scared and frustrated but digging in deep to release and find the light.

it is allowing what is possible to not be the end. it is continually calling yourself out on your own shit. oh, and then when you get married, it is allowing them to call you out too.

all of this lilly, you live right now in the purest form. you are my reminder to strive for the same, no matter how comfy stillness might feel.

 i love you. always.